I need to remember that what I have given myself was a gift and that it did not come easy! Looking back a year it seems as if I lost my weight so effortlessly but as I am trying to get back on track I am re-realizing how hard it is.
I have been pretty lenient with myself over these past few months "enjoying life" but really when I look back I don't see much enjoyment at all! I have let myself eat whatever I have had the taste for (in moderation). I have found that I have been telling myself every time that I make an un-healthy food choice that; "this is it and then I'm back to better eating" or "I will eat this to get this craving out of my system & then I'm back to better choices". Now I am here, after having said that numerous times, still having yet to "get back on track" and my list of junk food mishaps keeps growing and growing.
I love food and the feeling of contentment I get when I eat certain things. I used to live for the enjoyment of food and I have been slipping back into my old ways/feelings. I am at war with myself yet once again. I have to get back into the mindset that I had when I originally started this journey. If I keep up with the habits that I have been doing I think little by little I will go backwards and ultimately destroy what I have worked so hard for. WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE THIS SO COMPLICATED?! lol - It's quite simple really... I know what I need to do, I JUST NEED TO DO IT! BUT I can say that I have been very good with not going crazy over fast food! I have had it a few times but not because I felt like I would die if I didn't go get what I saw advertised on TV; even since I've seen that Monopoly is back at McDonalds. My inner gambler used to not be able to resist but I've brushed it off this year.
I know that for me to get back on track with making progress I NEED to stop looking at the big picture, focus on the now & take each day as it comes. I found a really good quote the other day that pertains to this:
"If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results." -Jack Dixon
On another note my yard had been booming with wildlife lately! Yesterday I saw this little bunny and was surprised to see him so close to our house. Turns out he has been the one messing with my plants! WELL I have no proof that he has been the one eating my strawberries but for a good month now I have been wondering why my impatiens flowers have been flattened out and our wood chips were spewed all over. When I spotted him yesterday he was headed towards my patio area & I went and grabbed my phone to take a picture. When I came out he was just chilling ON my impatiens! I don't know if he has been using them as a bed or what but it sure what cute. I wish I could have gotten a picture of that but I spooked him. Bunnies seem to love my yard. I have always seen them around but they have yet to give me any serious problems.
Having nature come right up to my door is one of the reasons why I love living in this area but yet I HATE seeing deer in my yard. As much as I'd love to see them, I live right next to a major highway. I do not feed them (but sometimes they come and eat the stuff I leave out for the birds). Over the past 3 years that we have lived here we have not had too many come into our yard so I was surprised to see this guy hanging out. I know someone has been feeding her because she was the healthiest looking deer that I have seen in a while! She also was pretty tame to let me get so close. I waited to let the dogs outside until she was gone, I would just hate to be the reason that she ran into traffic.
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My name is Marilyn and I am 27 years old. I have been overweight for most of my life and on May 1st, 2012 I weighed in at 338 pounds. This blog is about my weight-loss journey.