Entry 337: I don't know what to say

I have no idea what to say nor do I have any excuses for leaving you guys hanging this long. It's pure negligence! I have veered off course pretty bad and have been trying to figure out ways to attack the situation of getting myself back on track (once again). I have not blogged just for the reason of not wanting to confront what is going on. This is so stinkin' hard! I have not stepped on the scale but I know I have been packing on the pounds. If you have come to get motivation from me today, it's not here!

I have become lazy and have been indulgent in the things that I have tried so hard to avoid.
 
I have come to ignore the elephant in the room and I need to get back down to earth. I need to face the reality that I am gaining weight. I can feel it in my face, I can feel my clothes fitting tighter, I can feel I am not the same.........mentally & physically.

I need to start making better choices. I cannot let myself go any further backwards. I have become oblivious to the old habits that I have picked back up. I do realize now that I am an emotional eater. I have been down in the dumps for veering off course..... disappointed in myself... angry.... and for that I have been shoving down those feelings with food. Eating the wrong things then makes me lethargic and from there I have no energy nor the mood I need to get motivated/stay positive. It has just avalanched into something ugly.

Right now I am trying to climb my way out of this hole that I have let myself fall into. I need to get my mind where it needs to be. I need to not to pity myself but to go back to seeing the positive side of things.

Blogging about it: STEP ONE

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