I had my lemon water first thing and then made myself a breakfast sandwich but cut out the turkey bacon this time. I missed lunch and will have a salad for dinner. I am halfway through my water jug and am on my 4th cup of green tea. I have been a busy bee today running errands. I still have yet to work out but I will. I bought some booze just in case to celebrate this weekend if I am 100 pounds down! I have been pushing myself hard to get there and I hope, I hope, I hope to be there by Saturday! If not, that is ok. I won't be hard on myself because I know what I have been doing and how hard I have been working to get there and that when the time is right I will get there. It would just be convenient for me if it was on Saturday LOL :-) Favorite quotes from January 2013: “I need to re-do what I have already done. I have come to terms with this and am going to try to do exactly what I did in the beginning of my journey. Baby steps… It’s like trying to walk up to pet a wild animal; if you move to fast you will spook it! I don’t want that to happen to me because I know if I don’t go at my own pace the stress of trying to get back on track too fast will sabotage me.” “Living day to day; not dwelling on the future or the past.” “It may seem like forever now but there will be a day when I will look back and it will only feel as if I had blinked.” “I am excited for my future. I have been thinking a lot lately about how I will feel once I get to my goal weight. I still am bigger and I hate it but I have been forcing myself to only think positive thoughts. I don't know why I always concentrate on the negative but the more I exercise and eat right the more I will be happy with myself and that is the most important thing in life. If you don't love yourself you will have a hard time getting anywhere you want to go.” “It is amazing on how much your diet/lifestyle can affect your mood/behavior. I saw myself going back to having no confidence and being insecure as ever. I know I have to build back up what I just tore down. I get mad at myself but then I just have to remember I am human and the only thing that matters now is that I am currently headed in the right direction and that I AM EXCITED ABOUT IT.” –Entry #213, January.04.2013 “I have no idea where I have lost myself with all of this but I need to remember who I was when I started. Instead of finding myself like I had originally wanted I ended up going further and further away from just that. I don’t know how or why I blocked some things out but once I started losing weight I just got rid of the old me completely. I forgot about the annoying heat rash I had to put up with on my face for over a month and the nasty blisters I got on my feet. I completely blanked out every hard step it took me to get started. I wrote off everything. It wasn’t easy and I still struggle to this day! I thought I would be further than I am now but somewhere along the line I got off course. For a while it seemed for everything that would go right another thing would go wrong. But after wondering why… I realized for the millionth time it is all about your mindset. You can talk the talk but you have to be able to walk the walk. They say to never look back but in this case I feel it was needed!” –Entry #217, January.08.2013 ”When life gives you lemons, squeeze them into a cup of warm water first thing in the morning!” –Entry #219, January.10.2013 “I am so glad I didn't cave in last night and munch. I tend to do that to myself before my weigh in days. It's like I subconsciously try to sabotage myself. I don't know why! Sometimes I feel like Jim Carrey in "Me, Myself & Irene" ...trying to kill that part of me that just says do it, just eat it, what could it hurt, common you know you want it!” –Entry #220, January.11.2013 “There are so many things I can do now that I had trouble with before. Shaving my legs is a big one - OMG! How much easier it is! And like I have said before it has also been nice to not have to worry about seatbelts, restaurant booths and even clothes shopping. Things are just getting easier and easier and it can only get better from here! The other night I was watching TV with Michael and I was sitting on the couch hugging my knees. I didn't even think about it when I did it but after sitting there for a while the thought ran across my mind that I could have never done that before when I was 338 pounds.” –Entry #224, January.15.2013 “I woke up this morning feeling smaller. I love mornings like that. Sometimes when I lie in bed at night I like to think I can feel the fat just melting away lol. My body is starting to take shape and I can't wait to see what I am actually supposed to look like! Ha-ha - Really... I have never known myself to be any smaller than am I right now. I figure I was about the size I am now in middle school so any weight-loss I have in the future will all be completely new to me. I feel like this whole time I have been hiding behind all that fat. I knew I was in there somewhere!” –Entry #224, January.15.2013 “I also think of my cheat days as a break not only for my body but my mind as well. Dieting can be mentally exhausting when you are still working towards making it your lifestyle. There will be a point where it will not be such a big deal to have a cheat day but as of right now I am not quite there yet and looking forward to cheat days are a BIG part of what keeps me going.” “Here is where my frustration lies.... Working so hard this week with not cheating, exercising every day to a sweat and I only lost 1 pound this week. I am happy that I am back to officially being 80 pounds down but I would be lying if I didn't say I was a bit bummed after the great weigh in I had last week. I guess I will have to take into consideration that I must have either gained weight in muscle or am bloated from you know what...but still...it almost gives you that feeling of why bother. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is worth it to work out even if I do not see the results I was hoping for. Today is tomorrow and exercising can only benefit your future. I may not be happy now but if I gained muscle, I should have a good weigh in next Friday if I keep up the good work. They say for every pound of muscle you gain your body burns an extra 50 calories per day; on its own!” –Entry #227, January.18.2013 “I feel so close but yet so far away.” –Entry #234, January.25.2013 “I have found that trying to be someone you are not is exhausting! With this journey I have recently gone through a "lost" phase. I didn't know how to act, how to be or who I was. I went through a period where I was second guessing myself and was trying to do whatever I could do to feel like I "fit in". How I was feeling words can't really describe but what matters now is that I see things clearly and am going to just be me. I was so focused on what others thought of me that it had interfered with my life, the people in it and my weight loss journey. I now realize that I need to let go of that people pleasing attitude and that if no one were to like me; that's their problem, not mine.” –Entry #235, January.27.2013
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My name is Marilyn and I am 27 years old. I have been overweight for most of my life and on May 1st, 2012 I weighed in at 338 pounds. This blog is about my weight-loss journey.
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