I was going to make enchiladas on Thursday but I ended up making them today! I had a friend come over to share them with me because Michael hates anything that has flavor, LOL - They turned out very good for me having never made them before. They are not really diet but I re-arranged my calories for today so I don't exceed 1,200. I woke up at 4AM and put my boneless skinless chicken breasts in the crock pot on low for 8 hours in enchilada sauce and then I shredded them and mixed in a chopped onion and green chilies. I then put together the enchiladas w/flour tortillas and topped with cheese and more enchilada sauce. I will definitely be making them again! I made way too much this time. I could barely finish the 1 that I had and my friend couldn't finish hers. They were very filling. I gave the other 3 to my Mom and that is what they had for dinner. She had to call me to tell me how delicious they were and that my Dad did everything besides lick the plate ha-ha. I have a whole bowl full of the chicken filling left in the fridge and am going to be making another batch tomorrow when I get more tortillas. I don't have plans to eat them but I have to cook them up and figured I'll bring them to my Moms again and run one out to my Grandpa because I know he would really enjoy it.
I had my lemon water first thing and I have already downed my 5 cups of green tea. I am also half way through my water jug and have yet to work out but I will!
Favorite quotes from August 2012:
"I need to remember this: Quit looking back and always look ahead. Remember that this process will be worth it. Even though I may not feel it now; I just have to keep on, keeping on. Progress or no progress I am on the road to being a better, healthier me. I have to realize it takes time and I can’t expect to wake up tomorrow at my goal weight. I have to let my body take its course. (I just wish it wasn’t so gradual! Maybe I’d notice changes better if I didn’t have to see myself everyday, lol.)" -Entry #94, August.02.2012
"I am having another one of those “feeling stuck” moments. I can’t wait to not be chubby anymore. I can’t wait to get rid of this belly. Little by little it is shrinking but I wish it’d shrink faster! I keep seeing the old me. I can’t let go of that mind set. Michael says I look no where near what I used to but I feel like I do. I hope I don’t become so self conscious when I get to my goal weight that I’ll think I’m still enormous. Right now I still feel enormous. I have some days where I feel fatter than I did when I was 338. It’ll take some work for me to let go of seeing myself in that way."
"Change is hard!!!!!" -Entry #95 August.03.2012
"This process REALLY IS A ROLLER COASTER! I have come to terms that I cannot predict today from the next."
"I am feeling great; body, mind & soul!" -Entry #98, August.06.2012
"I am gaining my confidence back little by little. My Mom said I stand straighter instead of all hunched over trying to hide everything. I also can’t believe how much more mobility I have and how much more of a desire I have to want to get out and do things. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode if I just sit on the couch! Before there would literally be days where Michael would go to work and I would be sitting on the couch and then when he came back home I would still be sitting on the couch. I feel for my past self when I look back; how sad. It’s only going to get better and better from here on out!" -Entry #99, August.07.2012
"I can’t even describe to you on how I feel. When I was 338 I never thought that being that obese had affected me, my life or my mood. Well I was WRONG. I haven’t lost 100 pounds yet but in a way it feels like it! Since I have started losing weight my mood has changed dramatically. I am way more positive and happy. I was talking to Michael the other day and he said I am more “goofy” and not so painfully insecure/shy. I am coming back baby!"
"In the past I would nag on Michael about our relationship and how he should be more romantic, etc...But I have now figured out I was confusing my unhappiness with myself with our relationship. I figured it was his job to make me happy and if I wasn’t happy that he had to be doing something wrong. That is how oblivious I was to the fact of my obesity. Gosh... I am so grateful for him! He really has
"I was talking to my Mom yesterday about how I feel like I breathe cleaner. I didn’t know how to put it at the time but I feel like I can breathe deeper and I don’t get out of breath as fast. It’s almost like I had a filter and someone just changed it after so many years of being clogged." -Entry #100, August.08.2012
"The new feelings and things I have been experiencing now make me realize what I felt all this time was not normal. Part of me feels like I have wasted most of my life destroying myself with fast food/junk food. My normal used to be to sleep as long as I can; when I can and to stay up as late as I could. Every single night Michael and I would eat so much junk food and watch movies. I never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. I was so lazy."
"So the fair is in town this weekend… This will be a true test of my will
"These past few years I feel I have been so hibernated. I have no idea when I became that "shy" girl. I have always been a crazy; outgoing chatty Kathy. It's my nature and it feels good to be truly smiling again. No one can take away my sparkle now. I have been bitter for too long." -Entry #106, August.14.2012
"I could not be happier with how life has been treating me lately. It may be the new outlook I have on things but I love it. I like who I am and I am doing what I thought was impossible. I am starting to not take things so literally and am just going with the flow. No regrets. I am living life the way I want to live it and am going to let my heart lead the way. I think I have finally found myself."
"I have finally gotten over my severe insecurity towards my upper arms. It may be weird but my arms are the reason why I would always wear layers or sweaters on 80 degree days. I have always been more insecure about my arms than my belly. I have no idea why. I also went through a scarf phase. I had to always be wearing
"In the end; I have realized that you will not enjoy life to its fullest if you are not your own biggest fan first." - Entry #112, August.20.2012
"I am ONLY 2 pounds away from losing 60!!!!!!! That is like a little kid. Talk about finally having a monkey jump off my back ha-ha." -Entry #114, August.22.2012
"I am so happy I started this process. Almost 60 pounds down and counting; I never thought it was possible. There was a time where I seriously thought I looked better the way I was than if I were to lose weight. I am so glad that crazy person has finally left the coo-coos nest!!!!" -Entry #114, August.22.2012
"I need to get new underwear bad. The only way I can keep them on anymore is by giving myself a wedgie lol."
"I just need to KEEP ON KEEPING ON. NO REGRETS, NO LOOKING BACK. Sometimes it’s hard though. Some days I feel like I can almost reach the top but today is one of those days when I really realize how far yet I still need to go."
"I’m starting to look at the number on the scale as just a number. I have become so obsessed with what it will say and what I think I should look like. One day I would feel really good about myself and then step on the scale and get sad. What matters is how I feel and I need to EMBRACE my womanhood and be in LOVE with my EVERY curve!!!! Size doesn’t matter; you can still rock your sexy. Confidence is key." -Entry #122, August.30.2012
"These past couple of days it has been really sinking in that I’m losing weight; weird right? So far it has been more of something to talk about. One friend asked me if I felt good after losing that much weight and yes it does…and in a way it was hard for me to tell because it was so gradual. I’m sure if I lifted 60 pounds I wouldn’t believe that I had carried that around with me on a daily basis; as if it were nothing. It is very hard for me to let go of the old self image of who I used to be. I am working on it. Things like being able to wear shirts that never fit me before and trying to wear my old shirts but can’t anymore because they are too big make me realize that this is actually happening. It’s hard to get used to being a new person. I’m not complaining but part of me is terrified. I just have to keep telling myself that it will be worth it in the end. I thought I was already grown up but going through this journey really has opened my mind, changed my opinions and my whole outlook on life. I don’t think we ever “grow-up”. I think it is a gradual process that happens over a span of a lifetime. We never stop evolving as individuals. There is too much life out there to say that you have it all figured out already." -Entry #122, August.30.2012
"I can't wait to see what month 5 of my journey has in store for me. I plan to keep busting my butt with diet and exercise! I am so proud of myself for sticking it out this long." Entry #123, August.31.2012
My name is Marilyn and I am 27 years old. I have been overweight for most of my life and on May 1st, 2012 I weighed in at 338 pounds. This blog is about my weight-loss journey.