Entry 196: In denial.

My theory is: In order for things to go right; you must come clean. 

Last night I got a grip and went down in the basement to work out. I slapped myself across the face yet for a second time throughout my weight-loss journey.

I must admit I have fallen off the bandwagon. After gaining 4 pounds since I had lost 80 I just got deeper and deeper into the I don't care attitude. I am embarrassed. I have not been doing things the way I should be and have been not caring about my routine as much as I used to. I have had more of a leniency towards foods whether they were in my daily calorie quota or not but I found myself back in my old ways sitting on the couch until Michael got home from work. I have been doing what I have been blogging about but not with as much enthusiasm/motivation that I had before. Also there were a few times I cheated with junk food snacking late at night that I have not written about.

Yesterday I seriously re-evaluated my whole situation and it is best for me to keep moving forward but I need to be gung ho about it again. I have to be hard on myself or I will get no where. To seal the deal with everything, I have not weighed myself since I saw that I had gained 4 pounds. Not the smartest move I have made for I stepped on the scale this morning for it to only tell me that since I have lost 80 pounds I have now gained 8 pounds. It's no longer a 4 pound gain but an 8 pound gain. I now weigh 266 pounds and am back to being only 72 pounds down. Talk about going backwards. Part of me was hoping that the little bit that I did do would have knocked that 4 pound gain out of the park in the beginning but I guess not. I feel like things have spiraled out of control and in order for things to go right; I must come clean. I have to admit I was not going to say anything about the 8 pound gain but when it comes down to it I needed to for I would have tucked it away and neve come face to face with the fact that I am gaining and I need to exercise every day for 30 minutes, eat a healthy breakfast, drink green tea, eat a healthy lunch/dinner and never go over my calorie intake until I am back to having lost 80 pounds. No more cheats, no more talking myself into it being ok. I had a great work out in the basement last night and really pushed myself. Self motivation is all I needed because I sure can't accomplish anything if i'm in la-la land.

Last night was my first step. Writing this was my second. My 3rd is to repeat those 2 EVERY DAY.

I had green tea with fresh lemon this morning with oatmeal. I don't know if I ever mentioned it before but the oatmeal I eat has flax seed in it. I am having a cup of coffee before I make my second cup of green tea. I plan to have AT LEAST 5 cups. I have not started on my water jug yet but it will be gone by sun down. My Mom is coming over for lunch and she is picking up a low fat sub on flat bread for us to split. Same sub I was telling you guys about the other day. There are only 2 options of subs I can get from Subway that are in my calories and they are the veggie sub or the black forest ham. I would do so great on my diet if I could just have subway everyday. I eat more green veggies on a sub from there than if I were to buy my own and eat them. I am not sure what I will do for dinner yet. I also plan to do another basement workout today and I am hoping to do Richard Simmons on top of it. We will see where the day takes me.

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