Entry 122: Life is a beautiful struggle.

I woke up this morning around 6am and had 2 eggs and toast for breakfast. I had a salad for lunch and will be having a lean cuisine for dinner. I still have yet to work out. I most likely will dance. I have to do it before Michael gets home from work because I’m too embarrassed to dance with him here. He might leave me, LOL JK. I got mooves!

These past couple of days it has been really sinking in that I’m losing weight; weird right? So far it has been more of something to talk about. One friend asked me if I felt good after losing that much weight and yes it does…and in a way it was hard for me to tell because it was so gradual. I’m sure if I lifted 60 pounds I wouldn’t believe that I had carried that around with me on a daily basis; as if it were nothing. It is very hard for me to let go of the old self image of who I used to be. I am working on it. Things like being able to wear shirts that never fit me before and trying to wear my old shirts but can’t anymore because they are too big make me realize that this is actually happening. It’s hard to get used to being a new person. I’m not complaining but part of me is terrified. I just have to keep telling myself that it will be worth it in the end. I thought I was already grown up but going through this journey really has opened my mind, changed my opinions and my whole outlook on life. I don’t think we ever “grow-up”. I think it is a gradual process that happens over a span of a lifetime. We never stop evolving as individuals. There is too much life out there to say that you have it all figured out already.

I’m starting to look at the number on the scale as just a number. I have become so obsessed with what it will say and what I think I should look like. One day I would feel really good about myself and then step on the scale and get sad. What matters is how I feel and I need to EMBRACE my womanhood and be in LOVE with my EVERY curve!!!! Size doesn’t matter; you can still rock your sexy. Confidence is key. 

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