My starting weight was 338 pounds. Since last Friday I have lost 11 pounds and I have lost a total of 13 pounds all together since I started this blog. I'm on my way Baby! I am super proud of myself. I worked really hard this past week! 1 little half hour a day of exercise and calorie counting is all it takes to get on the road to success! Right now I’m driving a semi-truck on that road but I feel I am on my way to driving a Lamborghini! I have 87 more pounds to loose until I will have lost 100. 17 more pounds to loose until Michael takes over one of my bills and my Mom said for every 20 pounds I loose she is getting me a gift so only 7 more to go for that! They are the best! I am so thankful for the support.
I am also going to try to be taking in at least 1,200 calories a day! I have only been doing about 600 a day and that is not good for your body. They say the average female has to take in at least 1,900 calories! There is a lot of he said she said stuff out there but even though I’m trying to get healthy I can't deprive my body from the energy it needs! My good friend texted me this morning concerned so I promise I will eat more. HA! Never thought I’d say that! I will start to get in my 1,200. Maybe that's why I have been so sleepy lately? Is anyone else having trouble trying to leave a comment? I know one of my girlfriends said they have been having trouble. If you can't leave a comment please e-mail me so that I know and I can fix it- marilynziebell@hotmail.com
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I fell down. Ha! Way to go me! I was on my walk earlier and we were talking and I just went down. I am surprised it hasn’t happened sooner! There was a guy coming towards us when it happened on his bike and when he got to us he said “well that was interesting!” & I said “I bet!” I don’t have much to say today. I weighed myself this morning to see if I working out in the evening vs. the morning gave me better results and it’s the same! So I don’t think it really matters just as long as I get it in! I also STILL have my heat rash. It sucks! I made a stir fry today. It came out very good! It will last me 5 days which is awesome! Each serving is 1 cup and is 192 calories!! How cool is that? I had a bowl today and then that is what I’ll eat for the next 4 days in place of my lean cuisines. I didn’t use any salt because the soy sauce I used has enough sodium and I did not use butter or oil! I made all of it with my 0 calorie cooking spray! ::::MARILYN'S HEALTHY STIR FRY RECIPE:::: Makes 5 - 192 calorie; one cup servings What you will need: - Family Dollar brand 0 calorie cooking spray – 0 calories - 3 cups of COOKED white instant rice - 550 calories - 7 tablespoons of soy sauce – 70 calories - 1 medium green pepper – 16 calories - 1 cup pea pods (cut ends off) – 60 calories - 1 medium bouquet of broccoli – 60 calories - 2 cups of sliced stir fry beef – 190 calories - 1 medium yellow onion – 44 calories - Garlic powder - 1/4 cup water - Pepper Directions: Get instant rice started. Spray pans with cooking spray. Take stir fry meat and cook in a separate pan on medium. You don’t want to cook it on high. You want to have a puddle of meat juice mixture. Cooking on high will make it evaporate. Season meat with pepper and garlic powder and add 2 tablespoons of soy sauce. Cook until done while getting veggies ready. Cut veggies up to desired size and put in pan. Add 3 tablespoons of soy sauce to veggies along with some water so they don't burn. Over a period of time you may add up to 1/4 cup of water if need be. Cook until desired crunchiness / softness. Once veggies are to your liking; add the meat and mix in. Then add the done rice and mix in the last of your soy sauce. There you go! Yummy, yummy in my tummy! Next time I want to add mushrooms! As you know from my picture I walked today. I did the treadmill last night. I don’t think I’ll do the treadmill today. I am sore and tired! I hate it! I would do the treadmill if I hadn’t walked. I figure doing one is better than none! Picture of stir fry. Each bowl has one cup! Cool pictures I got from our walk today!
Lately; even though I am still overweight; I have been feeling lighter than air! I am much more energized. Last night after I had my salad snack I got a burst of energy. I just had to turn the music up loud and dance. I must have looked pretty crazy ha ha but I loved it. I have been getting into the habit of weighing myself everyday. I need to stop! I am starting to get obsessed and if I don’t see the results I was expecting I get discouraged. The weight I am loosing is amazing in such a short period of time but I read online that in the beginning you will loose mostly water weight. I now think I am starting to actually burn the fat that is why my number I got this morning wasn’t as high as I’d like but my Mom thought I was crazy. I was complaining about loosing only 1 pound since yesterday and she told me that it is great and I am crazy for complaining. I can’t wait to weigh in on Friday. I KNOW it’ll be decent! I read online; on this woman’s blog that she lost 100 pounds in 6 months just by calorie counting and moving around. That’s what I’m doing! So let’s cross our fingers. She also said the reason why most people don’t do it is because it’s FREE! Part of me thinks it’s ridiculous to pay someone to loose weight. In the end you have to do all the work. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be part of some kind of program if I had money but it kind of feels good to do it the old fashioned way! Like I said yesterday I had a weight watchers meal for dinner and I had worked out in the morning instead of later on in the evening. When I say dinner I mean I ate with Michael around 2pm before he went to work. So it’s more like a lunch? But I got hungry again around 6pm so I steamed 4 stems of asparagus over water that I put garlic powder in to give a little flavor and then sprayed that cooking spray over them when they were done to give them a butter flavor. (Picture of spray at beginning of post. You can click on the picture to make it bigger.) – It works great as a butter/oil substitute and it is ZERO everything! Family Dollar sells it for about $1.75 last time I checked. I spray it on whatever I think needs butter. Toast, popcorn, steamed veggies, etc.! After I sprayed the asparagus, I lightly salted it. Did you know that just ONE serving size of salt is ¼ a tsp.?! That’s not a whole lot. I know salt doesn’t have calories but too much sodium is not good for you either. Which; I have also cut way back on. I tend to find if you put it in your hand before you salt your food and make yourself manually sprinkle it on; it’s easier to not get carried away. It took a lot of preparation to make just 4 spears of asparagus but that is just part of the process. I feel more satisfied with that kind of snack by making it more elaborate. I even thought to eat it with a fork and a knife! The asparagus snack: ONLY 13 calories for 4! Later on that night I also had my veggie snack. I also ended up doing a little over 50 leg lifts before bed. The burn is starting to feel goooood! I didn’t do the treadmill yet. I think I am going to go back to my old routine with doing it later in the evening. I think that might work best for me. This process is all about trial and error. I have to figure out what works best for me and what doesn’t. I tried working out in the morning yesterday and then I did crunches before bed and I woke up this morning with different results than I had been getting with working out in the evening. So we will see. I will do my treadmill in the evening today and eat the same and see how I weigh in tomorrow. I need to stop doing that but right now I need to see what way works the best and what way doesn’t. It’s like a science project and I’m the lab rat! I am starting to get some arm muscle from just doing those weight lifts yesterday! I made Michael feel my arm today, it’s all hard! So that’s something I definitely am going to keep up. It’s 4:26 right now, I had a banana and my green tea mixture for breakfast and right now I have the oven pre-heated for my lean cuisine for dinner. I like lean cuisines better because you can make them in the oven. With Weight Watcher meals you can only microwave them. I know the oven takes longer but I like the way the food comes out vs. using the microwave. I can’t wait to start to loose more weight. Even though I have lost an ok amount so far; no one can notice it. My Mom and Michael can because they see me every day. I still look really fat but my horoscopes have been helping me a lot lately with the motivation to keep going. Its nuts! I just read them for fun but lately they have just been making me go WOW! Here is today’s: “Pisces May 9 2012 A long-running venture that you are still dealing with may look bad on the surface, Pisces. Luckily, though, you are a very intuitive sign. So deep down you know that this will all work out. Even though the obvious signs may point to a failure or a big disappointment, you have to keep listening to that little voice in your head that keeps reminding you that it will all be all right if you simply preserve. Hey, you’ve made it this far. You’ve trudged throught he most difficult aspects of this venture and you’ve held your head high. Just a little more of that and you’ll see it through. Keep your chin up.” – Wow, hey?! Picture to the left: My body in its glory days, ha! It is 3:58PM. Michael just left to go to work not too long ago. I woke up, ate a banana right away, and drank a glass of water and my green tea/half of a lemon squeezed with an artificial sweetener. I read online that the best time to work out is in the morning. They also say to drink a glass of water before you work out to get your metabolism up as the water warms up in your stomach from exercising. That sets your metabolism up to kick butt for the day. I also read that the best time to weigh yourself is after you wake up in the morning, before you eat breakfast and after you use the restroom. You will get your most accurate reading. SO that’s exactly what I did today. I did the treadmill early! It feels nice to have done it already. I also did a little bit of weight lifts and used the exercise bike. I made a music mix for myself to listen to when I work out. I feel that is important! I picked songs that get me in the groove. I have realized I am not one to stand in front of the TV and do a work out video. I just don’t do it! The songs get old and I hate learning new things! I think that’s what it boils down to. OH and in case any of you were wondering I DID do the treadmill last night! I didn’t get down to do it until around 10PM. I don’t think I’m going to wait that long to do it ever again. It was tough! My body ached but I kept going! I know most people say when you tell them how to loose weight that they can’t do it because they can’t get used to eating healthy or they have to sit on the couch for this or that reason but to be honest those are just excuses!! I have been there done that! It’s called DENIAL! You can do WHATEVER you set YOUR mind to do! MIND over MATTER! You can’t exercise because your feet hurt? You can’t exercise because your back aches? Exercise can only make it better! It may be painful in the beginning but the end result is to never have those aches and pains again. Being overweight IS the reason why your feet hurt & your back aches. It took me a long time to realize this. On another note I have been craving fast food. (Don’t worry I wont cave) - I don’t think many people understand how addicting it can be to a person like me! Fast food commercials are the worst! I don’t want to even treat myself to it because I am afraid I will fall off the bandwagon. It is like my nicotine to a smoker. Very hard to quit but I’m doing it! I feel the reason why I got the munchies so bad on Michaels Birthday is because we had beef-a-roo roast beef sandwiches. Even though I was still in my calorie intake for the day it set my pace for the rest of the evening. It almost made me hungrier after I ate them! I just think of how icky I felt and how sad I was that I cheated and drink a gulp of water. I am very proud of myself. Even the days I cheated, I still drank water. Ever since I have started this I have replaced all of my drinks with water. I know my will power is strong because I have Gatorade, Pepsi and OJ in the fridge and I still pick water. I have been very hard on myself but I feel I need to be! It is not easy. Michael still eats normal and I have already been through sitting right next to him while he eats whatever he wants. I have made food for him that I wanted to eat too but I didn’t. I feel that really shows my true will power! He had some cookies the other day and I read the calories on the back of the package. It is over 200 calories for only TWO small cookies!!! I notice the more I count calories the better I do. One string cheese is 80 calories, I can’t do it. I have started to feel guilty even eating that! Because I know I will want another one and why waste calories on something so small? 1 string cheese or a big bowl of veggies with fat free ranch? I had a weight watchers meal for dinner today. I had 2 glasses of water with it and put my fork down between each bite. Filled me up! I am excited to see what my final number is when I weigh in on Friday. It will have been my first full week of this new lifestyle! Even though I have been on this since the end of April; I had a rocky start. There are so many options out there that I just decided I needed to do my own research and do what I feel I would do and not have someone tell me how to do it. Every little difference helps. Even if I am not working out 2 hours a day and going on a crash diet I am still making healthier choices than I was before. The other night I asked Michael to get me a glass of water. Then when he got up to go get it for me I yelled at him. I realized I need to just get up and do it myself. Just because he was going to go in the kitchen already to get something I needed to still get up and do it for myself. I used to avoid going upstairs because I didn’t feel like doing the stairs. Not anymore. I make myself sprint up those stairs and get what I need to get instead of saying ah, I’ll get it later. Later on I allow myself a snack. I usually like to stick to something 100 calories or less. I have DRAMATICALLY dropped my calorie intake from what it used to be. I don’t even want to know what it used to be! I know it had to be way over 4,000! Now it’s about 600 or less a day. My lean cuisine or weight watchers meals I keep below 300 calories. Usually 240 or 280 and then a banana is 90 calories & my snack is about 100 calories. That also leaves me room to have another healthy snack if I am having a rough day. So I am hoping to stick with this new routine by working out after I get up and eat a banana and drink my green tea/water. Green tea speeds up your metabolism as well as fresh lemon juice. The lemon juice part was the hardest for me to get used to! I do not like sour things but after I started to add a no calorie artificial sweetener it is much better. Who knows, maybe later I will work out again? My friend can’t walk again until Thursday. I know that doesn’t mean that I still can’t walk but I was thinking on walking to my Moms and back later. That would be 2 miles and a lot of hill, lol but it is raining. I have no idea what I am doing but I am trying different things and seeing results! Working out is hard but I put myself in a different frame of mind to push myself as hard as I can. I stop to catch my breath and that’s it. In gym glass I used to get myself to run by thinking there was some bad guy chasing me. Weird? Maybe; but had to get myself moving somehow! A video from this morning of my dog Heidi saying "Get up off the couch and do something Mumma!" The picture to the left was one of my snacks I had yesterday. It is less than 100 calories! 2 tablespoons of fat free ranch dressing, a couple chunks of green pepper, 1 tree of broccoli & cauliflower divided up, 1 lettuce leaf, a few chunks of tomato, some cucumber, a couple pea pods & 2 carrots; lightly peppered! It was very good. Very do-able! But if you read closely I wrote it was “one” of my snacks yesterday. I was bad. BUT I cheated with all healthy foods. I got the munchies to the extreme! What else I ended up snacking on was a batch of plain popcorn lightly salted, a banana, a yogurt and ONE Red Vine. I didn’t loose any weight and I am at the same number as I was yesterday so I’m glad I didn’t gain anything. I also didn’t do the treadmill last night. I know I said I was but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I tried doing sit-ups and only got to 20 before I quit and then I ran the stairs up and down only 2 times due to the dogs being annoying. They get so riled up when I try to work out. They either have to be at my Mom’s or put outside for me to be able to make any progress but they do not bug me that bad when I am on treadmill. Well not anymore. When I first went on it they were trying to bite my feet when I would run. I am ok with not getting it done yesterday. My body needed the break after 2 intense days of working out. I’m ok with it but deep down I know I’m just trying to make excuses for myself but it was Michaels Birthday! Ha ha.. Well I got my walk in today! My friend and I met up at 5:30 and hit the trail. It felt good to get some fresh air. Michael is at work until 3am so I am going to hit the treadmill around 9pm. I find that I enjoy it most around that time. Now, I’m not making any promises about doing the treadmill tonight because I did that yesterday and still didn’t do it. I guess you guys will just have to find out tomorrow! But as of right now I am determined on doing it! I feel I need to make up for yesterday. I still have my heat rash. It isn’t noticeable at all but I can feel it. My face feels so gross! I hope it goes away soon. I went to the supermarket earlier and stocked up on some weight watcher meals that were on sale. Now I’m good for a while! I hope they are as good as lean cuisines. Also that yogurt I had as a snack last night was pretty good too. I was really surprised. The flavor was strawberry cheesecake. It was awesome and I’m not even that big of a fan of strawberry cheesecake to begin with lol.. I am so ready to drop this weight! I wish I could just wave a magic wand and speed up the process! It has been a ridiculous burden my whole life that I just lived with. The weight I need to loose is a WHOLE ENTIRE person! How crazy is that? It’s like I’ve been giving someone a piggy back ride my whole life. The accommodations I have had to deal with over the years are ridiculous. I never really realized how messed up it was to act like life was normal for me. I mean who can’t have a bed frame because they will break it? Or if you do have a bed frame it needs ply-wood support. I already broke one end of our new couch just by using it daily. It would be nice to actually fit on a ride at the fair. It would also be nice to be able to buckle my seat belt in most cars or fit into a white lawn chair without it staying stuck to my butt when I get up! It would be nice to walk into a restaurant and sit down at any table without having to scan the entire place first to find the biggest booth. I am ready to kick fat in the butt!!!!! It has taken over my entire life for too long. The things I would be able to do, the things I AM going to be able to do! All of my insecurities about my life have to do with my weight. Maybe that’s why I have turned into such a homebody? My world used to revolve around food. I could never eat it fast enough. You would think I grew up with brothers and sisters having to fight for portions but nope! I am on the only child. I don’t know what feeling I was stuffing down, I am still trying to find out the “reason” on how I got the way I did but I’m still not coming up with anything. On the biggest loser they always have a sob story but still searching for mine if there is one! Maybe someone else would be able to tell me, lol. My childhood was great. Even though my Dad has been brain injured and disabled since I was born; I don’t have “daddy” issues. I had a pretty normal childhood thanks to my Mom. She always made everything normal. Or seem that way at least. I don’t think I got curious about my dad or asked any questions until I was in 5th or 6th grade. Maybe I am an emotional eater? I don't know... I think what it comes down to is that I just LOVE food!! Picture from our walk today... All stocked up on Weight Watcher meals!
I changed the header of my page to “Sweating off the layers to find myself” instead of “Shedding off the layers to find myself”. I thought it made more sense since I’ve started working out a lot more. Also I switched things around a bit on my site. Let me know if it is annoying. My Mom suggested I set it up this way due to some people reading my last entry first. Today I am starting to see results! I pushed myself extremely hard last night. I am starting to loose weight faster than I had expected. I am going to have a nice number to post when I weigh myself next Friday! I know in the biggest loser they would loose weight really fast in the beginning and then they would loose very little to none in the 3rd week due to building muscle, etc... I am prepared for this hurdle; I hope to keep my head high no matter what. It is Michaels Birthday. I DID NOT eat ANY cake! Although I was tempted I just cute slices for everyone else. I didn't even take a dab of frosting. I am starting to amaze myself with my will power. It is EXTREMELY hard! But like I said before in one of my posts we got him Beef-a roo beef to surprise him with sandwiches. I am so proud of myself! I had a banana for breakfast with water and then for dinner we had beef sandwiches. I only had 2. They were very small, like sliders. Michael ate 6!! Normally I would have eaten the same. I took my time again with each bite and drank water between each bite. That works wonders for me. It’s so amazing how full I get. It’s like to where I can’t finish the last bite! That is going to save me in this weight loss process. My stomach is shrinking and so is my body! I love it. My Mom is starting to notice in my face and Michael started to notice changes in me yesterday. Heck, even today I noticed when I weighed myself just out of curiosity. Before it was really hard for me to stand on scale with putting my legs together cause of the fat and today it was much easier! Last night I sprinted up the stairs to go to bed and did not get out of breath like I normally do. These little things mean so much. I started crying today just talking about sprinting up the stairs. It’s getting to be a little emotional but in a good way. I see myself changing; mind and body. I have yet to work out tonight but I will! When I exercise I set my alarm on my phone for 30 minutes and make myself work out for that much at least once a day and I am hoping to be able to exercise tonight without stopping to look at the time and see how much time I have left! Boy does 30 minutes seem to go by a lot faster sitting on the couch, lol. Last night I started to notice signs of a heat rash. I have it all over my face and most of my body. It will go away soon I hope. It’s from all that hard work I have been doing!!! My body is not used to sweating, ha! Too bad, so sad! Picture of me after my intense work-out last night. I look like crap but just shows how hard I have been pusing myself! But not too hard. I know over doing it isn't good for me either :) I finally got some healthy foods! I am so happy to have some good options. I had a banana for breakfast and a lean cuisine for dinner. I made it a point to set the fork down after every bite and take my time as well as taking a drink of water between each bite. I got so full! I was amazed. I never thought a lean cuisine would have filled me up but it did. I even burped after like I just ate Thanksgiving. I am going to go down in the basement and do some exercise bike/treadmill in a little while. I don’t have much to say today. I cleaned the house, stuck to my routine and thought about my future. I am such a day dreamer! I can’t wait to be able to wear clothes that aren’t XXXXL. I will really be able to let my style shine. You have no idea how hard it is to find cute plus size clothing! If you do find something cute it costs an arm and a leg because of all the excess fabric used. I am so done with being fat!!!! I never understood why I never got motivated to do this seriously before. I was always looking for someone else to be serious about it for me. No one can take me serious if I’m not! I started a calendar thing on my dry erase board. It gives me something to cross of every day and it hangs to remind/motivate! I want to print up some motivational quotes/sayings and post them ALL over my house. I need to be slapped with this in my face every day! I don’t want to let myself down ever again. I need to learn to not get discouraged and to just keep on, keeping on! Today was interesting. I cheated. There I said it. I have to get it off my chest! I ate fast food which I said I would NEVER do anymore but it was still less than 1,000 calories. I know that still doesn’t make it right. I looked online earlier and found this really cool reliable site where I can calculate how many calories my body can take in a day from entering my weight, the weight I’d like to be at, my height and my age. It’s very informational. Here is the link: http://nutrition.about.com/library/bl_nutrition_guide.htm Although I feel extremely guilty about eating fast food I was very careful on what I ordered and literally took time to count calories. Eating fast food sucked cause I got hungry later in the day and I choked down some celery sticks. I like ants on a log but eating just celery is gross. I wanted more junk food but I am so glad I stuck it out and instead of running to McDonalds like I normally would have I drank water and worked out! SO I punched myself by eating fast food and patted my back all in the same day. Talk about a roller coaster! BIG NEWS!! I FINALLY got walking shoes baby!! So PUMPED! They are wonderful. The last time I got a nice pair of shoes they were my Etnies in middle school!!! My new shoes are very white. I want to get them dirty lol. You can spot me from a mile away. I am very excited to walk on Monday with my friend. My feet are sooo much better. Almost all healed and they don’t bug me anymore. I honestly wasn’t going to work out today but I did. We have this treadmill in the basement that Michael got for free a while ago and it doesn’t work! But I walked, sprinted, ran, walked, slug walked for a straight half hour by making it go myself. Let me tell you, THAT is a great workout! I think I’m going to break up with Richard Simmons and do the treadmill instead. I sweated more and literally felt good about it! Sometimes Richard makes me feel dumb. I am extremely clumsy and uncoordinated so you can only imagine how I look trying to go along with his every move. The songs also get very old, very fast! So today I sped up with the times and worked out to “I’m sexy and I know it”. Great workout song! Motivates me! I recommend it. It’s Michaels Birthday Sunday. I already know I am probably going to cheat but not with cake. I never was one for sweets. We ordered Beef-A-Roo beef to surprise him and have sandwiches with au jus. But I will just remember to watch my portion and to eat within moderation. Beef can’t be THAT bad. I know the au jus has a lot of salt in it but I will take it easy. I can’t believe how hard it has been just to not eat crap! But with me drinking more water lately I am not hungry all the time and I know my body is going through a change. Not to be gross but my bathroom visits have been more frequent! Oh crap! I forgot to weigh in today to see where I’m at. I am going to go do that right now. Hold on….. LOL Ok, in the past 11 days I have lost 2 pounds. I knew it wasn’t going to be that much because I didn’t really get going on this until this past week. Starting a new lifestyle/diet is like going through puberty all over again. Very awkward and confusing ha ha. Also out of the past 11 days I only worked out/exercised 4 times. I am not going to be hard on myself because next week I hope to kick butt after being able to eat healthier and have a steady work out routine. I might have only lost 2 pounds so far but I have learned a great deal and am super excited about my future. By this time next year I hope to be down to 180 pounds or fewer than 200. That means I have to loose 158 pounds. I don’t know!! Only time will tell. I never actually gave my body a chance to use its full potential. I always ate what I wanted to eat and rarely did any exercise so if I keep a healthy diet; maybe my metabolism will surprise me. GHETTO TREADMILL! Hey, whatever works right?!
First off I am touched by all of the kind words, support, comments, blog veiws & messages that people have been sending me from reading my blog! It really keeps me motivated and I need that right now more than ever! I wasn’t planning on making this blog a daily thing but it seems to be steering in that direction. Today is a down day for me. It sucks! It is so humid that it is making me so lethargic and sleepy. I woke up this morning with huge blisters on each foot and it feels like I’m walking on pins and needles. I feel like it’s crippling me! It is not helping me make any progress. The dishes are piled up in the sink and I’m putting them off for another day. Our walk was cancelled which is a good thing because I would have not gone very far. We were going to exercise at my house but it must be an off day for both of us because she wasn’t feeling well either. I am so discouraged but I need to learn not to be so hard on myself. It is just the beginning. I will do my sit-ups/crunches later but that’s probably going to be it. We have planned to walk tomorrow at 5:30 and I will be determined to do so! (If my feet are up to the challenge by then) - Today I am really feeling all the changes my body is being shocked into. Giving up pop, giving up coffee and switching to tea, drinking water, exercising…. It’s like whoa, whoa what is going on?! I also know I am not on the best of diet and not getting the necessary stuff I need in my system. Saturday I’m going grocery shopping so I will get some healthy food then. I woke up around Noon, split a pasty with Michael and started on my daily gallon of water. I have noticed I get fuller faster which is a good thing. Then I had to meet a client at my photo studio at 3 to pick up a photo order and I took my green tea/squeezed lemon drink with me. As of right now I have only been eating once a day. BAD I know! I want to pick up some lean cuisines on Saturday, carrot sticks etc... I am feeling so tired today. I am not sick and I’m pretty sure my body is just trying to adjust to the no caffeine and the no constant intake of junk food. I have been so proud of myself though. I have not had any junky snacks and have been keeping my will power strong. Every time I felt like going in the kitchen to make something I stop and ask myself “are you really hungry or just bored?” 99.9% of the time I am just bored and instead of making a junky meal/snack, I drink some water. BUT the worst is seeing that darn Wendy’s commercial with that darn new chili cheese fries they have. It makes me want to drive to Iron Mountain and get them! I am so glad they don’t have a Wendy’s in Iron River because I definitely would not be able to hold myself back from going to get those darn fries from that commercial!!! I have cut out fast food COMPLETLEY. I was what you would call a fast food junkie. It got to the point where some of the workers started to know me by name and would say hi Marilyn on the intercom! How embarrassing. I used to closet eat fast food all the time. I literally would go get it and not tell my Mom or Michael and go park somewhere discrete where no one could see me and chow down. How sad now that I think about it. I had a problem. It’s 6:52PM right now and I’m home sitting on the couch writing this with my feet up in the air ready to take a nap. I don’t know; I just can’t motivate myself for nothing today. But it’s ok to take a day off right????? The picture below is not for the weak stomach but it's one of my big blisters on the bottom of my foot! I told my friend they are my battle wounds!! lol Every day it’s getting easier and easier. Every day I see a little bit more of myself come out. All this time; I was so hooked on the idea of trying to find out who I was that I ended up loosing myself in the process. Since I started this I have had more of a desire to do things and it hasn’t even been that long. 1 month ago I would have never been able to write this. I still probably would have been stuck at the “My name is Marilyn…” part on my first entry. I keep telling myself to not to think about how much I have to loose because it seems so far away. I googled “How long are the Biggest Loser contestants on the ranch” and it came back with 5 months. It makes me feel better knowing that if I work hard enough I might have the results I want by then. On another note, today I woke up really late. I thought about telling you guys I got up and had my green tea like I wanted to but I made a promise to myself that this blog will be raw! As raw as honesty can be. I feel it is necessary to be honest and admit to things otherwise I will never go forward. Michael leaves for work here at 3:30pm and doesn’t come home until 3am so I have taken on his schedule and I wait up for him. Therefore my days are kind of like my nights and my nights are like my days. Usually we’ll get up about Noon or 1pm. Today Michael got up early but I was a zombie lying in bed until 3pm. I had to get in gear. Talk about eating breakfast? HA! What a joke. I had a half of a box of mac n cheese because there is nothing healthy in this house and I filled up my gallon water pitcher for the day and I did make my green tea it just wasn’t in the morning. I also squeezed half of a lemon in my green tea for double the trouble!! I put the water I need to take in, in a pitcher. I like to see how far I need to go and how much I’ve drank already. Just another one of those things that help push me forward. Hopefully this Saturday I’ll be getting some healthier food options. I’m not one to eat breakfast but I will eat a banana every morning. They say that if you eat a banana in the morning it gives you just as much energy if not more than drinking a cup of coffee! At 5:30pm I met up with my friend to go on our first walk. I haven’t walked since last summer so I wasn’t sure how far I’d go or how easy it would be. I set my alarm on my phone for 15 minutes and if we wanted to turn around that would have made a half hour having to walk back but we decided to keep on going and in the end we walked for 50 minutes. I’m not really sure how many miles or any of that stuff. Quite frankly I don’t think I’d want to know. I want to become obsessed with loosing weight but not to the point of the discouragement possibility. I have also decided I will be weighing in every week to see my progress. Not every day because I will go crazy! I’m thinking every Friday. This Friday will not be much because it was a little rocky to get going on this whole thing but that’s ok. I also told myself I wasn’t going to take before and after pictures but today I took pictures. I will not post them on here due to me being extremely embarrassed about my body but I hope one day I will look so good I will be proud to show a before and after picture side by side. I also took a picture of me wearing a shirt that no long fits me. I have set my first goal and that is to be able to fit back into it. I think that’s a good goal don’t you? I have always stayed away from setting goals because that is how I ended up quitting when I tried to loose weight every other single time. I have no time frame on this and I will just keep going until I am satisfied. I have my phone wallpaper set to something I put together saying “Get up. Eat Healthy. Say no! Exercise. Walk. Don’t give up. Be strong. This is your happily ever after. It is possible. Do it for you.” I am forced to look at this EVERY SINGLE DAY and the day I change it will be the day I am where I want to be. If I change it before then you might as well kill me now! If you haven’t noticed I am really into self motivating. I have to force myself to be. I never was before but I need to believe in myself and know that I can do this. I remember one time I was at the super market and the lady in front of me in line turned around and asked me “When are you due?” I had the most confused look on my face and then the look of mortification just started to appear on her face and mine. I know it wasn’t her fault and that she actually thought I was pregnant but that didn’t even motivate me to loose weight, it just slipped me into another one of my depressions. So that is why it is so important to me to keep looking at quotes/hearing peoples input. I don’t ever want to feel or be asked that question ever again. That is the worst. My feet hurt so badly from the walk today. It feels like there are blisters on my foot but I can’t see anything. I need to get new shoes bad. The only pair I have are actually a pair of slippers my Mom got for me with rubber bottoms a long time ago. They look like moccasins so I can get away with it but not for walking! I’m going to wear my NIKE sandals tomorrow when we walk again. They will be much more comfortable until I get a new pair of sneaks. It sucks about my feet because they hurt so bad there is no way I will do my Richard Simmons work out today. I wish I would have done it before I left BUT I can do sit-ups/crunches. So I will do those and then do some more to try to make up from my lost work out. To wrap this up, in the past week; the person who I thought I was; is slowly disappearing. I can’t wait to meet myself again. It’s like I’m expecting a family member or an old friend to arrive to visit that I haven’t seen in a long time. I always thought when you grow up, you grow into the person you are supposed to be but in my case I feel everything went opposite from that. I am more so chasing the dream of my 9 year old self vs. whom I want to be in the future. We are always the same person and we only change because we feel we have to. Now I’m trying to go back in time by shedding of the layers so my real self can show. Someone I never got the chance to meet and if I did, I killed it with a happy meal. Confused? Me too. Now you know how I feel, lol! OK... LESS TALK, MORE DOING!!! A picture from my walk today. |
My name is Marilyn and I am 27 years old. I have been overweight for most of my life and on May 1st, 2012 I weighed in at 338 pounds. This blog is about my weight-loss journey.
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February 2016
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