I feel good and I am 100% confident in my ability to succeed throughout the rest of this process! Not only has my first day back on track gone well but I'd also like to announce that I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!! (I had talked about it in an earlier post) They called me right after my walk today and I start this Thursday! I am so excited! Life is going great for me right now and I could not be happier. This smile on my face is permanent! Today's post is going to be mainly a video that I put together of how my first day back on track went. I hope you enjoy it :-) LOL FYI: There is no sound until 1:07 of the video. It is brief then goes back to no sound.
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<-- I'm cocked & loaded and ready for Monday!!! I went grocery shopping today and got what I needed. I loaded up with lean cuisines and Healthy Choice meals. I got the Healthy Choice baked meals and I have had them before. They are very good it just sucks when they are not on sale! Here was my shopping list: Bananas, Oat Revolution BetterOats maple and brown sugar 100 calorie instant oatmeal, medium eggs, Sara Lee 45 calories & Delightful wheat bread, 9 lemons, 5 Healthy Choice meals & 5 Lean Cuisine meals. That should last me until next time! I already have green tea, extra virgin olive oil/spray. When I walked in the store I saw grapes that were on sale and was going to get some and then I stopped myself because for me; the less options I have at home, the better. I know grapes are good for you, I love them; I am just trying to strictly stick to one way right now. Plus it never hurts to exercise your will-power muscle! I just said to myself; "Marilyn, just get the bare minimum. You don't need the extras." - If I want at snack I will just have to be happy with toast or a banana! I'm so serious about this right now that I am getting myself excited! Today was my first morning going without coffee. I'm still here and haven't been taken away to the looney bin so I say my day has gone pretty fine without it. I know I will probably still drink coffee through the rest of my weight-loss journey but I will only do so on the days when I know I really am going to need it. I haven't had any kind of caffeine today so that explains this headache I have. I took some ibuprofen but I think I'm going to make myself a cup of green tea. After all I am going to have to get re-acquainted with my green tea since I will be back to having it 5 times a day. It tastes like grass water (who's with me on that?) LOL BUT I suck it down because I know it's good for me. I have said this many times before, I swear by it! <-- This is what my kitchen looks like right now. We are undergoing construction & are finally installing a new sink, faucet & countertops!! I can't wait to see the finished product. The sink in this picture is the new one we got (just seeing how it fit before we install it) - At this point in the process there is no going back! I will post a picture when it is all finished :-) The fair is coming to town this next week/weekend. I was planning on going but I don't know if I will. That's my first week back on my stuff here and the only reason why I ever really went to the fair was for the food!!! They have a demolition derby on Saturday and I might go to that. We will see! I know getting Michael to go is like pulling teeth so I might hit it up with a friend if I do end up going. ALSO this happened last night!!!! KIRSTIE ALLEY re-tweeted one of my before and after pictures on her Twitter! How cool is that?! It literally made my day/month/year! Her doing this motivated me BIG TIME! If you click on this picture it will take you to the link. Change is never easy not to mention starting over! But I am woman enough to admit that I MESSED UP! The good thing is that I am moving forward. I may not be where I want to be just yet but I know I will get there. I have had so many cups of coffee trying to get my fixes in before I switch over to green tea. I have a feeling I am still going to squeak in cups of coffee here and there but at least I drink them straight & I know I will have to make sure that I also get my 5 cups of green tea in. I know that green tea has caffeine in it too but there is not as much. I'm not too worried about the caffeine content (yet) I just know I am going to miss the beautiful aroma every morning that coffee gives off. I wonder if they make a coffee scented candle? I could deal with that lol. I am hoping I will be able to do both coffee and green tea. We will see! I have done it once before and I can do it again. That is what my blog is for, to hold me responsible! This blog is a big part of what keeps me going. You know I'm on the right path when I am posting often! I am just glad my only battle right now is over coffee/tea. I have already made my mind up about exercising and eating better. No ifs, ands or buts about it! I need to get my basement in order. I think that's what I am going to do today. It's a mess! We have been using it for storage and all my equipment is dusty! I want to make it a happy place & not one that I am going to dread walking into. We moved my elliptical/recumbent bike down there some time ago so that's no longer in the living room. I have my own little gym going with adjustable Bowflex dumbbell weights, a weight bench, a treadmill and a recumbent bike/elliptical! Once I get it de-cluttered I should charge admission, LOL jk. It's nice to have options! It's going to make my workouts go by faster when I can switch things up. Now I just need to get a TV down there/surround sound and i'll be set! I wish I would have never sold my Ab Lounger and Gazelle years ago. I would have had a pretty nice set up then! But I'm pretty sure the Gazelle kind of does the same thing as my elliptical, right? Who wants to start with me? I don't mean come over every day but maybe if you are reading this and want to lose weight too, we can do it together by starting Monday! I am not going to go grocery shopping until this Sunday so it looks like Monday will be the day I start the steps I listed in Entry 321: Back to the basics... Ever since I was younger I have wanted to lose weight. I remember when I was in 7th grade I was talking to a fellow classmate and I mentioned that I wanted to lose weight. I remember they said something along the lines of; "I like you the way you are, don't lose weight. You wouldn't be MarBear if you did. It would be weird." - To think I actually carried that with me for so many years, if others were ok with me than why shouldn't I be? It was something that I always thought back to when I tried to lose weight before. It was almost an anchor that held me down for so many years. Since it was said to me in such a positive way, I found that I would tell myself "People will not like me if I lose weight." To think I actually thought I'd lose friends?! If you think I'm crazy now, imagine my mind at a 7th grade level. I twisted EVERYTHING up, therefore, holding me back from what I most desired. Somehow gaining the nickname "MarBear" didn't help either. I was never made fun of with that nickname but was called it often by many people for the fact that I was bigger? I can't imagine why else. It's the little things that can make the most impact I guess. I am at a point right now where I feel like Eddy Murphy as Sherman Klump in The Nutty Professor. I have been feeling different (& not in a good way). I have been slowly seeing my old self come out. The face says it all for me. The first weight I lose or gain is in my face and let's just say a double chin has been making its appearance. It's a good thing I plan to start back up full force this coming week. I am going grocery shopping this weekend so whatever day we go is when I will start. I know I can start now but for me I have to have a game plan mapped out in my head. Like I said in my last post, this past week has been all about mental preparation. I have already lost 100 pounds; I know I can do it again. If I think I feel helpless now, I just have to remember how helpless I felt on day 1 when I was 338 pounds. Sometimes I forget but I need to remember my pain, my struggles and the determination that the 338 pound Marilyn had. I need to remember how bad I wanted this and how far I have already come. It is a lifestyle change and I don't know how I got so off course. This summer was supposed to be my summer! I also haven't weighed myself. I am scared to! Right now, I feel that I'm better off not knowing for fear of any further discouragement. I will weigh in when I am ready and am feeling good. I know once I re-start I am going to take off; I have made this up in my mind. No food is worth it unless Gordon Ramsey were to make me something then in that case I would eat whatever he gave me EVEN if it fell on the floor (I'm a HUGE fan) LOL - I know what has worked for me in the past and I know what I need to do to succeed. Watch out world, HERE I COME! (again) I have been struggling and with that I have decided I need to go back to the basics and do what I did originally on day one. The first thing that I really went full force with was my portion control. In doing that I bought lean cuisines, healthy choice meals, etc... I know they are not the "healthiest" but they are great for getting back on track with portion control. I think of it like having training wheels, ha! When I feel that I am ready to get off the frozen meals and trust myself enough to make my own portions I will then start preparing my own food with fresh ingredients & get back on the lean and green wagon. (Hopefully that wont take too long) -- I plan to pick up frozen meals the next time I go to the store. I also plan to pick up bananas! I used to eat bananas like crazy in the beginning. It's nice to be able to grab a banana for breakfast instead of having to prepare something even if it is just my 90 sec oatmeal; there are days where I just don't care. The banana is a great grab it and go item. I am also going to pick up lemons and start back up on that. I have kept up with the lemon water somewhat but have fallen off the routine of doing it EVERY MORNING. I have to start back with baby steps and treat myself as I did on day 1. This week I am cleaning out my fridge/cupboards and getting rid of ANYTHING that may tempt me. I am also preparing myself mentally. I need to start fresh. This is my plan starting this next week:
<-- I got to a strawberry before the critters did! I think that lavender trick I talked about in a previous post worked! I also finally went for a swim this past Sunday! I can't believe I waited so long to go to the lake. I loved it and I was completely in my element. I went around 8PM and it felt like I had the lake to myself. I was the only one at the beach otherwise there were a couple boats out. I swam some laps and it made me realize just how out of shape I have let myself get! To just think if I would have kept up with things where would I be at right now? I need to remember that what I have given myself was a gift and that it did not come easy! Looking back a year it seems as if I lost my weight so effortlessly but as I am trying to get back on track I am re-realizing how hard it is. I have been pretty lenient with myself over these past few months "enjoying life" but really when I look back I don't see much enjoyment at all! I have let myself eat whatever I have had the taste for (in moderation). I have found that I have been telling myself every time that I make an un-healthy food choice that; "this is it and then I'm back to better eating" or "I will eat this to get this craving out of my system & then I'm back to better choices". Now I am here, after having said that numerous times, still having yet to "get back on track" and my list of junk food mishaps keeps growing and growing. I love food and the feeling of contentment I get when I eat certain things. I used to live for the enjoyment of food and I have been slipping back into my old ways/feelings. I am at war with myself yet once again. I have to get back into the mindset that I had when I originally started this journey. If I keep up with the habits that I have been doing I think little by little I will go backwards and ultimately destroy what I have worked so hard for. WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE THIS SO COMPLICATED?! lol - It's quite simple really... I know what I need to do, I JUST NEED TO DO IT! BUT I can say that I have been very good with not going crazy over fast food! I have had it a few times but not because I felt like I would die if I didn't go get what I saw advertised on TV; even since I've seen that Monopoly is back at McDonalds. My inner gambler used to not be able to resist but I've brushed it off this year. I know that for me to get back on track with making progress I NEED to stop looking at the big picture, focus on the now & take each day as it comes. I found a really good quote the other day that pertains to this: "If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results." -Jack Dixon On another note my yard had been booming with wildlife lately! Yesterday I saw this little bunny and was surprised to see him so close to our house. Turns out he has been the one messing with my plants! WELL I have no proof that he has been the one eating my strawberries but for a good month now I have been wondering why my impatiens flowers have been flattened out and our wood chips were spewed all over. When I spotted him yesterday he was headed towards my patio area & I went and grabbed my phone to take a picture. When I came out he was just chilling ON my impatiens! I don't know if he has been using them as a bed or what but it sure what cute. I wish I could have gotten a picture of that but I spooked him. Bunnies seem to love my yard. I have always seen them around but they have yet to give me any serious problems. Having nature come right up to my door is one of the reasons why I love living in this area but yet I HATE seeing deer in my yard. As much as I'd love to see them, I live right next to a major highway. I do not feed them (but sometimes they come and eat the stuff I leave out for the birds). Over the past 3 years that we have lived here we have not had too many come into our yard so I was surprised to see this guy hanging out. I know someone has been feeding her because she was the healthiest looking deer that I have seen in a while! She also was pretty tame to let me get so close. I waited to let the dogs outside until she was gone, I would just hate to be the reason that she ran into traffic. |
My name is Marilyn and I am 27 years old. I have been overweight for most of my life and on May 1st, 2012 I weighed in at 338 pounds. This blog is about my weight-loss journey.
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