I have been back on a normal sleeping schedule. It is actually pretty nice waking up at 7am wide awake and well rested. I woke up this morning and had a bowl of wheaties for breakfast and then had a lean cuisine for lunch. For dinner I had a ham sandwich with some broccoli. I cut the back yard with the push mower and then came in and worked out. I am pooped! I am ready for bed any time now and it’s only 8:30! I am taking the leap and cutting my hair to shoulder length! I have an appointment set for the 1st of next month. I feel I need the change. I will be getting about 8 inches cut off. I am so excited! I feel that this summer is coming to an end and it has got me thinking about winter! I don't know how I will like going for walks in the snow. The winter months are when I need motivation more than ever! It will take a lot for me to get active when it's below zero out. I need to have a game plan set up. I am not one to ski or snowboard so I hope I can find some kind of outdoor activity to do besides work out videos and dancing/basement workouts. I don't want to hibernate!! Below is a picture I found online of the hairstyle I want. I always twist my bangs back so I think it will work really well for me. Plus I think it’s super cute!!!!
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I sure hope I don’t get what Michael has! He is a little bit better today. He went to work today too! I give him credit! Poor guy… Yesterday I danced for my workout and ate the normal. Today is my Friday cheat day so I am not worrying about working out. Earlier for lunch I had one of those new KFC chicken bite meals. It came with 6 chicken bites and I got a small side of mashed potatoes and gravy w/diet Pepsi. Later on after Michael got home from work I told him I got KFC and then he got the taste for chicken so I went and got him the deal they have going with the 8 pieces of chicken. He will be eating off that for the next week ha-ha! I then had a chicken breast with him. I thought it all was going to be so great but after I ate I couldn’t help but feel unsatisfied both times. Definitely not the feeling I was expecting to get from eating KFC for the first time in 102 days. No beef against KFC, just not used to eating that way anymore I guess. I’m not complaining! My calves and ankles have gotten so much smaller! I love it! My thighs are still big but way smaller than what they were! Same goes for my arms and wrists. My rings are way too loose and I’m pretty sure I’ve dropped at least 2 bra sizes! There are shirts that I used to wear all the time that I cannot because they are just too annoyingly big. My Mom ordered me a couple new shirts so I am super excited for them to come in the mail! Pretty soon I’m going to need to go pants shopping. All of my pants are the stretchy kind but those are even getting too big! I own a couple pairs of jeans but hate wearing them. They fit me better than my stretchy pants that I have but not in the butt area. I am dreading getting new pants because I HATE shopping for them! Right now I have been wearing a lot of my shirts that now fit me as dresses with leggings. I am still feeling great and hoping I won’t get sick so it doesn’t put a damper on things! It is 7am on Friday and I forgot to write Thursdays post! Michael has been really sick. He came down with this nasty bug. Once he came home from work yesterday I have been trying to take care of him but it's one of those bugs where nothing or no one can really help! This morning he feels a little better. I hope he shakes it off quick! I don't like seeing him this way.
This entry will be short and sweet. I will write a bigger entry for today later on. Hello entry 100!!!! Woo-hoo! Exactly 100 days ago I started this process. I am so glad I did!!! I would not have been able to stick to it if it wasn’t for my blog. It is a HUGE part of my journey. Once all is said and done it will be great to look back to see how far I’ve come. I have stopped weighing myself today and I will skip weighing in on Friday. I will weigh in next Friday. I had 2 eggs and my Sara Lee 45 calorie multigrain toast for breakfast. I fried the eggs sunny side up with a teeny tiny amount of my light I can’t believe it’s not butter. I had about 4 cups of green tea today and about 16 glasses of water. I had a half of an avocado with some tortilla chips for a snack and then had a lean cuisine for lunch. For dinner I had some steamed beets and green beans. A while after I ate dinner I had some triscuits and animal crackers. I am still sucking on the water bottle. I can’t get enough of the stuff; LOL! I danced for my workout today. I love to dance. I get a TOTAL body workout! I move every part of my body; head to toe. I stay constant I just get into the grooooove. I was watching “Obese & Pregnant” yesterday (yes that’s a real show) and one of the women needed to lose weight after she had her baby and she told the Doctor that she had planned on buying a treadmill the next week and he said “oh, no you don’t need to buy a treadmill! Just do something you enjoy doing.” That really hit home with me and I figured why can’t I dance for a workout? I enjoy it and don’t even think twice about if I want to do something or not. I stay constant and sometimes by the time I’m done I have exceeded a half hour and I feel so great afterwards and am pouring sweat. I was talking to my Mom yesterday about how I feel like I breathe cleaner. I didn’t know how to put it at the time but I feel like I can breathe deeper and I don’t get out of breath as fast. It’s almost like I had a filter and someone just changed it after so many years of being clogged. The new feelings and things I have been experiencing now make me realize what I felt all this time was not normal. Part of me feels like I have wasted most of my life destroying myself with fast food/junk food. My normal used to be to sleep as long as I can; when I can and to stay up as late as I could. Every single night Michael and I would eat so much junk food and watch movies. I never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. I was so lazy. Our breakfasts, lunch and dinners were not great either. He still eats junk but no where near as much as he used to eat with me. Our breakfasts/lunch were a whole pack of bacon split between the 2 of us, fried potatoes cooked with about a stick of butter and I would also have eggs and toast on top of it. For dinner it was the same thing or we would each have a whole box of macaroni and cheese but most of the time for dinner we would split a Digornio pizza. Sometimes we would order out for pizza and each get our own large because we like different things. There were no problems finishing them off. I have come a long, long, longggg way since then! I am no where near that way anymore. I am so proud of myself and my body is thanking me for it. <-- I wish I would have found this picture to go with Fridays post! I wanted to write more in yesterdays post but my internet was being dumb! It kept kicking me off and I gave up after it wouldn’t let me add an entry title. I can’t even describe to you on how I feel. When I was 338 I never thought that being that obese had affected me, my life or my mood. Well I was WRONG. I haven’t lost 100 pounds yet but in a way it feels like it! Since I have started losing weight my mood has changed dramatically. I am way more positive and happy. I was talking to Michael the other day and he said I am more “goofy” and not so insecure/shy. I am coming back baby! In the past I would nag on Michael about our relationship and how he should be more romantic, etc...But I have now figured out I was confusing my unhappiness with myself with our relationship. I figured it was his job to make me happy and if I wasn’t happy that he had to be doing something wrong. That is how oblivious I was to the fact of my obesity. Gosh... I am so grateful for him! He really has stuck by me through the THICK and the soon to be THIN! Most guys would not have put up with some of the stuff that I made him put up with!!!! Now I’m recognizing my faults and I have apologized. We were always a strong team but now we have become stronger than ever. I am gaining my confidence back little by little. My Mom said I stand straighter instead of all hunched over trying to hide everything. I also can’t believe how much more mobility I have and how much more of a desire I have to want to get out and do things. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode if I just sit on the couch! Before there would literally be days where Michael would go to work and I would be sitting on the couch and then when he came back home I would still be sitting on the couch. I feel for my past self when I look back; how sad. It’s only going to get better and better from here on out! Today I woke up at 6am and had breakfast. I then cleaned the whole house and exercised. I had half of an avocado with some tortilla chips for a snack before lunch. For lunch I had a salad and then some Triscuits. I still have yet to decide what I want to do for dinner. I am staying busy and loving life. I can’t wait to see what the future holds! I can’t believe I have lost 53 pounds! Today it just hit me after I weighed myself again. I am over half way to loosing 100 pounds! I only have 47 left to go. I had a banana for breakfast with a smart ones breakfast muffin thing and then for a snack later I had a half of an avocado with some tortilla chips. For lunch I had a lean cuisine and then for dinner I went to Mr.T’s (a family restaurant). I went with Michael to meet someone he knew. I had a patty melt with fries and drank water. I could have ordered a salad but I am ok with what I had. I don’t feel guilty or that I over-indulged. Earlier I walked Chewie to my Moms and left him there. Then from my Moms I walked through Stambaugh and then walked down town to the credit union. I then walked back from the credit union to my Moms and picked Chewie up. We then walked from her house back to mine. I got a GREAT workout from that! I walked at a fast pace and I didn’t stop until I got to where I was going. Well… when I was going up this one hill my fast pace turned slow. It was a killer but I kept going! I figured I did about 4 ½ - 5 miles all together. I am feeling great; body, mind & soul! Alright; I’m cracking my knuckles and stretching my neck side to side… Here we go!
I don’t know WHAT to think anymore!!!! Void my post I wrote the day before yesterday. Well to a point. I have some confessions that I need to make! I wasn’t going to say any of this but it has been weighing on my mind; for I feel hypocritical. For starters; on Friday I went to Iron Mountain with my Mom and my Grandpa and I cheated like I said I wouldn’t. We ate at Holiday Kitchen and I had a fish fry. It came with a side of fries, 3 fried cod nuggets, coleslaw and a piece of rye bread. I gave half of my bread to my Grandpa and the coleslaw wasn’t that great so I didn’t eat it. I sure downed those fries and fish though! I used ketchup and drank water. I also didn’t work out that day. I feel kind of hypocritical for Friday’s post that I was talking about stepping up my game and in the end I didn’t do a darn thing right that day. BUT get this; I woke up on Saturday morning and I had lost 1 pound! WHAT?! So yesterday I was at 289 and -49 pounds. I am weighing myself everyday again. Only for a little while until I feel comfortable enough to only do it once a week. Second confession: Yesterday I didn’t work out either. I ate my normal meals and then there was a street dance down town for rodeo weekend. I ended up going and I drank beer all night long. I don’t drink often; maybe twice a year. I got pretty tipsy. I had 4 beers before I left the house (I got picked up by a friend and DID NOT drive). When I got there they had cups of beer for sale. In the end I figured I had about 8 beers all together. WAY too much! Michael showed up at the street dance a little after I got there and I went home with him around 2am. I had fun but being that drunk made me realize how much I hate the feeling after the parties over! …NOW; get this… I weighed myself this morning and I am at 285! WHAT?! I am so confused! This process REALLY IS A ROLLER COASTER! I have come to terms that I cannot predict today from the next. Oddly enough now I can officially say I am -53 pounds! I have FINALLY reached the -50 mark! It’s about cotton picking time. None of this means I am going to go drink every night, cheat everyday and stop working out lol. Once Monday hits I’m back to my walks or working out once a day; maybe twice a day on the days that I feel good. Today I am a little too under the weather to concentrate on working out. There it is. My slate is wiped clean! I weighed in this morning and I have lost nothing this week. I am still at 290. I was hoping to finally be able to say that I have lost 50 pounds. Days like today are the days when I want to give up so bad BUT after fuming to myself about it; I am now ok with not losing anything. Crap happens. I need to forget about it and move on. I know I have done nothing wrong. I have worked out every day & a couple of the days I even worked out twice. The only thing I cheated with was my pizza that I had on Tuesday and I didn’t even eat an excessive amount of that. I am just glad I am exactly the same as I was last Friday and didn’t gain anything. I looked online to get some advice and it made me feel better. I have come to the conclusion that I need to work on doing the following: A: Increase my calorie intake but not by eating junk. Lately I have only been eating about 700 to 900 calories a day. Not on purpose either! I don’t really snack in between meals. For breakfast I have a banana or an egg & toast, maybe cereal. It never exceeds 200-300 calories. Then for lunch I either eat a 300 calorie or less lean cuisine and for dinner the same or sometimes I’ll have a chicken breast (100 calories) and some veggies. I don’t feel like I’m starving myself. I am satisfied after every meal and rarely get that “hungry” feeling. I think I will be able to solve this problem by forcing myself to have a healthy snack in between breakfast and lunch and then another snack in between lunch and dinner. B: Intensify my workouts and keep them consistent. I also need to force myself to do it 6 days a week; twice a day. My body might be getting used to doing the same thing so I need to switch it up. I kind of started stepping it up at the beginning of this week but by the time Wednesday hit was back to only working out once a day. Change is hard!!!!! Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I’m nervous! I get like this before every Friday. I am hoping for the best but expecting the worst lol. I just don’t want to get my hopes up. I have worked out every day this week and I plan to work-out tomorrow too. No freebies for me this week so I hope I at least lost 3 pounds! I got up and had a banana and my green tea. I got ready and then power walked the back way to my Moms on an old railroad trail. I walked home and had lunch. I had the rest of my veggies I cooked up yesterday and 2 ears of corn. I spray my corn with my 0 calorie spray and then lightly salt and pepper. I could barely finish; I got so full. I am not sure what I am going to do for dinner yet. I am having another one of those “feeling stuck” moments. I can’t wait to not be chubby anymore. I can’t wait to get rid of this belly. Little by little it is shrinking but I wish it’d shrink faster! I keep seeing the old me. I can’t let go of that mind set. Michael says I look no where near what I used to but I feel like I do. I hope I don’t become so self conscious when I get to my goal weight that I’ll think I’m still enormous. Right now I still feel enormous. I have some days where I feel fatter than I did when I was 338. It’ll take some work for me to let go of seeing myself in that way. I need to remember this: Quit looking back and always look ahead. Remember that this process will be worth it. Even though I may not feel it now; I just have to keep on, keeping on. Progress or no progress I am on the road to being a better, healthier me. I have to realize it takes time and I can’t expect to wake up tomorrow at my goal weight. I have to let my body take its course. (I just wish it wasn’t so gradual! Maybe I’d notice changes better if I didn’t have to see myself everyday, lol.) |
My name is Marilyn and I am 27 years old. I have been overweight for most of my life and on May 1st, 2012 I weighed in at 338 pounds. This blog is about my weight-loss journey.
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February 2016
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