I woke up and had my lemon water and then made myself a breakfast sandwich. I have decided I am going to go on an all green diet until I get to 100 pounds down. I am going to eat nothing but salads & veggies for lunch and dinner. I will give myself the exception of my breakfast sandwiches in the morning but that is it! No more fooling around, I'm buckling down and cutting out all the crap. I also just got done working out and I plan to do another workout before bed. I am seriously stepping it up a notch and I told Michael to make sure I exercise again later even if I whine like a little baby. Sometimes a little tough love can go a long way. I am on my second cup of green tea and am half way through my water jug. I was bad yesterday and skipped working out. I also cheated with food and am mad at myself for doing so when I am so close to my goal. No more funny business; I'm determined. I don't care how bad I get a craving for something I will not touch it. It's all about self control. MIND > MATTER Favorite quotes from September 2012: "Yesterday for me was a Moo-Moo day. I know it was my cheat day but I haven’t done that in a while. It’s where I lounge around all day and never get dressed and just wear my huge Moo-Moo dress. I used to wear it all the time when I was home before because it was easy and I had gotten so large that I had started going more towards the convenience aspect of things rather than the style. I would rather stay home in my moo-moo than to have to get dressed to go somewhere. Now it is really, really huge on me. Maybe yesterday I was feeling nostalgic? Whatever it was I’m glad I snapped out of my funk." -Entry #131, September.08.2012 "I am amazed by the fact that I know how good exercising/walking can make me feel but is sometimes one of the hardest things to get myself to do." -Entry #131, September.08.2012 "There are many things I am realizing I can do now with much less effort. When I was 338 pounds; to tie my shoe I had to sit down, prop my leg up on my other leg and tie my shoe and half of the time it would be tied on the side due to me not being able to reach the lace very well to get the knot in the middle. Today I went to re-tie my shoe and I just shot down and stared straight at my foot and tied my shoe with ease. I barely even had to bend my knee." "I am overwhelmed by the amount of support from people lately! I am in disbelief at the heartwarming comments and well wishes! It inspires/motivates me and verifies 100% that I am on the right path! I will keep going and I will not quit!" "For once everything in my life seems to be going my way and it is an AWESOME feeling!!!! I could not be happier with how things are and it is awesome to think that it is just going to keep on getting better and better. Anyone that says losing weight will not change your life is wrong. Being morbidly obese has EVERY worst possible effect on you; your mood and your whole well being! Why I waited so long to do this is beyond me! I FEEL LIKE A WHOLE NEW WOMAN!!!!!!!" -Entry #125, September.09.2012 "I have become a lot more relaxed lately with this whole diet thing. I am not as high strung about it as I used to be and I am ok with that. I needed to be obsessed with it in the beginning to get me going but now it has become so routine that I don’t think I will ever go backwards. I keep a good eye on my weight and am making sure it is still going down. Some weeks are slower than others but I am just taking this process day by day." -Entry #138, September.15.2012 "I last weighed myself at 61 pounds down. Gosh it is so surreal to even say that! 61 pounds is a lot! I tried to pick up a 50 pound weight and literally cried. I couldn’t even pick it up without having to use both hands it was so heavy. To think I used to carry that around with me." -Entry #138, September.15.2012 "I should have known better than to have cheated on Friday and then weigh in on Sunday. Part of me was hoping for a 10 pound weight loss but I knew deep down it wasn’t much! I have acknowledged it and I am going to MOVE ON! I know what I have to do to." -Entry #139, September.16.2012 "I am already on my second cup of green tea and am determined to make today great. I have another busy day but I am going to make the most of it and grab the bull by the horns! There should be no reason why I should be sad. I have lost 64 pounds and just because it may not be going as fast as I’d like it to right now; I just need to be happy with where I am at the moment!" "I never thought I could do this. To be honest I never thought I'd take it this far. I am so happy I did. I didn't know I had it in me to do this on my own and I can't even imagine where I would be now if I had never started." -Entry #145, September.25.2012 "Being overweight had made me so unknowingly self conscious that it was the base line of all of my decisions and has made me back out of so many golden opportunities. I would have never done something this spontaneous if I was still 338 pounds. I seriously would have missed out on this whole travel experience just because I was too fat." -Entry #145, September.25.2012
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Well I weighed in this morning and I have only lost 1 pound for this week. I am happy with only losing 1 pound for I was expecting to have lost nothing or to have gained from you know what. With me I usually ALWAYS weigh heavier on weeks like this one due to water weight, bloating, etc... I read online and it said that women can gain up to 10 extra pounds in water weight when it is their time of the month but once it is over it goes back down so I am happy with my -1 for the week! That means I am at 244, 94 pounds down and have only 6 more to go until I will have lost 100. I am feeling better than I was yesterday. I can't wait for next week to start! I have this feeling things are going to go pretty fast from here on out and I'll be at my goal soon. I have 19 days to lose 6 pounds. I CAN DO IT! I asked Michael if he thinks I can do it and he said with no hesitation "oh yeah, no sweat!" - I hope to be to my goal sooner than that but you never know; it may take me all the way up until the end. Only time will tell! I had my lemon water first thing and then made myself a cup of green tea. I didn't get breakfast in yet but I will make myself something after I post this. I also haven't even started on my water jug. Yesterday I said I was going to cheat with something sweet and I did. I ended up missing dinner and had a candy bar, a small bag of party peanuts and a couple bites of Michael's vanilla ice cream. I didn't cheat as bad as I was planning. I almost made a batch of cinnamon rolls!! TGIF & I hope you all enjoy your weekend! I don't have any plans and am so mad that we got a MORE snow. It is like a winter wonderland outside and I hate it. Something's got to give pretty soon here otherwise I will be sent off to the Looney bin in a straitjacket!!!!!! Tomorrow is one of those Saturdays that I will be taking off from blogging so I will type at ya'll on Sunday! :-) I am having a down day and have been feeling the blues. I just can't seem to get with the program today and snap out of this funk! I know a big part of it is that I have my, oh so lovely monthly visit. You know when Mother Nature supplies women of the world with invisible chainsaws lol... I have been short fused and I can only pray for Michael's survival when he gets home from work, HA! - Just kidding, I'm not THAT bad but I do have a case of the crazies today. I feel so blue and blah! Days like today are when I find it the hardest to stay positive. I know in the past I usually skip weighing in on weeks like this one but I still plan to weigh in tomorrow. I am not aiming too high for a big number. I woke up and had my lemon water and then made some oatmeal for breakfast. I am on my 4th cup of green tea and have a little over half way to go on my water jug. I was going to make another batch of enchiladas today to use up the extra filling but I have decided not to and am going to either freeze it today or keep eating it on pita bread. That is what I had for lunch today and that is what I will probably have for dinner. I will probably cheat later on with something sweet because well...you women will understand. I worked out last night even though I didn't want to. I mean I reallllly didn't want to. I just can't mess up the routine that I have going for me on the exercise front. Especially now since I am down to the wire and only have 20 more days to drop these last pounds I have to lose. So in saying that I still have plans for a work out today even though I feel like CRAP. For those of you that have recently started reading my blogs; my initial goal was to lose 100 pounds and I am very close but after I lose 100 pounds I still have about 60 more to lose to get to my ULTIMATE goal weight of 170. Right now I weigh 245 and that is from my starting weight of 338 pounds. I feel once I get to 100 pounds down a new chapter of my life will begin and hopefully the rest will be all downhill from there. Ah, who am I kidding? I should have phrased that differently. I know it will not be "all downhill" from there but you guys get what I'm trying to say. I think it will be easier for me, especially with how active I plan to be this summer. I hope for it to just fall off. I was going to make enchiladas on Thursday but I ended up making them today! I had a friend come over to share them with me because Michael hates anything that has flavor, LOL - They turned out very good for me having never made them before. They are not really diet but I re-arranged my calories for today so I don't exceed 1,200. I woke up at 4AM and put my boneless skinless chicken breasts in the crock pot on low for 8 hours in enchilada sauce and then I shredded them and mixed in a chopped onion and green chilies. I then put together the enchiladas w/flour tortillas and topped with cheese and more enchilada sauce. I will definitely be making them again! I made way too much this time. I could barely finish the 1 that I had and my friend couldn't finish hers. They were very filling. I gave the other 3 to my Mom and that is what they had for dinner. She had to call me to tell me how delicious they were and that my Dad did everything besides lick the plate ha-ha. I have a whole bowl full of the chicken filling left in the fridge and am going to be making another batch tomorrow when I get more tortillas. I don't have plans to eat them but I have to cook them up and figured I'll bring them to my Moms again and run one out to my Grandpa because I know he would really enjoy it. I had my lemon water first thing and I have already downed my 5 cups of green tea. I am also half way through my water jug and have yet to work out but I will! Favorite quotes from August 2012: "I need to remember this: Quit looking back and always look ahead. Remember that this process will be worth it. Even though I may not feel it now; I just have to keep on, keeping on. Progress or no progress I am on the road to being a better, healthier me. I have to realize it takes time and I can’t expect to wake up tomorrow at my goal weight. I have to let my body take its course. (I just wish it wasn’t so gradual! Maybe I’d notice changes better if I didn’t have to see myself everyday, lol.)" -Entry #94, August.02.2012 "I am having another one of those “feeling stuck” moments. I can’t wait to not be chubby anymore. I can’t wait to get rid of this belly. Little by little it is shrinking but I wish it’d shrink faster! I keep seeing the old me. I can’t let go of that mind set. Michael says I look no where near what I used to but I feel like I do. I hope I don’t become so self conscious when I get to my goal weight that I’ll think I’m still enormous. Right now I still feel enormous. I have some days where I feel fatter than I did when I was 338. It’ll take some work for me to let go of seeing myself in that way." "Change is hard!!!!!" -Entry #95 August.03.2012 "This process REALLY IS A ROLLER COASTER! I have come to terms that I cannot predict today from the next." "I am feeling great; body, mind & soul!" -Entry #98, August.06.2012 "I am gaining my confidence back little by little. My Mom said I stand straighter instead of all hunched over trying to hide everything. I also can’t believe how much more mobility I have and how much more of a desire I have to want to get out and do things. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode if I just sit on the couch! Before there would literally be days where Michael would go to work and I would be sitting on the couch and then when he came back home I would still be sitting on the couch. I feel for my past self when I look back; how sad. It’s only going to get better and better from here on out!" -Entry #99, August.07.2012 "I can’t even describe to you on how I feel. When I was 338 I never thought that being that obese had affected me, my life or my mood. Well I was WRONG. I haven’t lost 100 pounds yet but in a way it feels like it! Since I have started losing weight my mood has changed dramatically. I am way more positive and happy. I was talking to Michael the other day and he said I am more “goofy” and not so painfully insecure/shy. I am coming back baby!" "In the past I would nag on Michael about our relationship and how he should be more romantic, etc...But I have now figured out I was confusing my unhappiness with myself with our relationship. I figured it was his job to make me happy and if I wasn’t happy that he had to be doing something wrong. That is how oblivious I was to the fact of my obesity. Gosh... I am so grateful for him! He really has "I was talking to my Mom yesterday about how I feel like I breathe cleaner. I didn’t know how to put it at the time but I feel like I can breathe deeper and I don’t get out of breath as fast. It’s almost like I had a filter and someone just changed it after so many years of being clogged." -Entry #100, August.08.2012 "The new feelings and things I have been experiencing now make me realize what I felt all this time was not normal. Part of me feels like I have wasted most of my life destroying myself with fast food/junk food. My normal used to be to sleep as long as I can; when I can and to stay up as late as I could. Every single night Michael and I would eat so much junk food and watch movies. I never wanted to go anywhere or do anything. I was so lazy." "So the fair is in town this weekend… This will be a true test of my will "These past few years I feel I have been so hibernated. I have no idea when I became that "shy" girl. I have always been a crazy; outgoing chatty Kathy. It's my nature and it feels good to be truly smiling again. No one can take away my sparkle now. I have been bitter for too long." -Entry #106, August.14.2012 "I could not be happier with how life has been treating me lately. It may be the new outlook I have on things but I love it. I like who I am and I am doing what I thought was impossible. I am starting to not take things so literally and am just going with the flow. No regrets. I am living life the way I want to live it and am going to let my heart lead the way. I think I have finally found myself." "I have finally gotten over my severe insecurity towards my upper arms. It may be weird but my arms are the reason why I would always wear layers or sweaters on 80 degree days. I have always been more insecure about my arms than my belly. I have no idea why. I also went through a scarf phase. I had to always be wearing "In the end; I have realized that you will not enjoy life to its fullest if you are not your own biggest fan first." - Entry #112, August.20.2012 "I am ONLY 2 pounds away from losing 60!!!!!!! That is like a little kid. Talk about finally having a monkey jump off my back ha-ha." -Entry #114, August.22.2012 "I am so happy I started this process. Almost 60 pounds down and counting; I never thought it was possible. There was a time where I seriously thought I looked better the way I was than if I were to lose weight. I am so glad that crazy person has finally left the coo-coos nest!!!!" -Entry #114, August.22.2012 "I need to get new underwear bad. The only way I can keep them on anymore is by giving myself a wedgie lol." "I just need to KEEP ON KEEPING ON. NO REGRETS, NO LOOKING BACK. Sometimes it’s hard though. Some days I feel like I can almost reach the top but today is one of those days when I really realize how far yet I still need to go." "I’m starting to look at the number on the scale as just a number. I have become so obsessed with what it will say and what I think I should look like. One day I would feel really good about myself and then step on the scale and get sad. What matters is how I feel and I need to EMBRACE my womanhood and be in LOVE with my EVERY curve!!!! Size doesn’t matter; you can still rock your sexy. Confidence is key." -Entry #122, August.30.2012 "These past couple of days it has been really sinking in that I’m losing weight; weird right? So far it has been more of something to talk about. One friend asked me if I felt good after losing that much weight and yes it does…and in a way it was hard for me to tell because it was so gradual. I’m sure if I lifted 60 pounds I wouldn’t believe that I had carried that around with me on a daily basis; as if it were nothing. It is very hard for me to let go of the old self image of who I used to be. I am working on it. Things like being able to wear shirts that never fit me before and trying to wear my old shirts but can’t anymore because they are too big make me realize that this is actually happening. It’s hard to get used to being a new person. I’m not complaining but part of me is terrified. I just have to keep telling myself that it will be worth it in the end. I thought I was already grown up but going through this journey really has opened my mind, changed my opinions and my whole outlook on life. I don’t think we ever “grow-up”. I think it is a gradual process that happens over a span of a lifetime. We never stop evolving as individuals. There is too much life out there to say that you have it all figured out already." -Entry #122, August.30.2012 "I can't wait to see what month 5 of my journey has in store for me. I plan to keep busting my butt with diet and exercise! I am so proud of myself for sticking it out this long." Entry #123, August.31.2012 I had my lemon water first thing and then had oatmeal for breakfast. I had a ham sandwich for lunch on wheat bread with mustard, lettuce and a slice of cheese. I had my last bowl that I had in the freezer of turkey chili for dinner with wheat saltine crackers. I am done with my water jug and have had 5 cups of green tea. I also got done with my work out a little bit ago. I have been on a roll! <-- I got my hair trimmed today! I love it. It feels so much better! I want to grow my hair out so I didn't have her cut it too short but she put layers in and did an awesome job. It feels a lot healthier and has body! I want to grow it out so it's long for my wedding next June and I am not going to dye it! I know there will be a point where I will want to dye it again but I will be strong! I want to be all natural for my big day and have it be healthy and not fried like half of it is now. I can't wait for my old dye job to grow out so I can get rid of all that dead hair. Half of my hair now has been bleached twice, stripped once and dyed 4 times! That'll do it lol - I'm glad my hair grows fast! I had my lemon water first thing and then made myself a breakfast sandwich. I missed lunch and made a cucumber salad to eat for dinner; which I will eat after I post this. I am on my 5th cup of green tea and still have a ways to go on my water jug. I also still have yet to work out but I will get a good one in before the day is over! :-) Favorite quotes from July 2012: "I can see my feet again! I can’t believe how much smaller my belly has gotten. Michael can finally wrap his arms around me. It’s an amazing feeling!" -Entry #66, July.05.2012 "I like to go back and read my first few blogs. Those were the best. Sometimes; even though I am only on month 3; I feel I forget some of the reasons why I started this process! Staying positive is key! I need to look at how far I have come; not how far I need to go or when I want to get there. The now is what matters and I will get no where if I keep beating myself up when I should really be proud of where I am at and who I am today. My future self will thank me!" "I no longer have any “seat belt” fears; meaning not having to worry about getting in someone’s car and not having the seat belt fit! That has happened to me. There was this one time when I actually held it the whole time to make it look like it was buckled! Now I have more room than I need." -Entry #69, July.08.2012 "I lost 2 pounds since I weighed myself yesterday morning. How awesome is that?! Sometimes it feels like magic and when I was sleeping the fat fairy came and took it away. I love mornings like the one I had today; where I wake up and FEEL it. I just knew I had lost something!" -Entry #73, July.12.2012 "After seeing that I have lost 41 pounds; I am amazed. Seriously!!!!! I didn’t even start this until less than 2 ½ months ago. Like; am I really back in the 200’s?? It seems like just yesterday I was crying my eyes out thinking I’d never reach these results. I have exceeded my expectations of this process already. I am starting to become a whole new me. It’s almost like I’m finally coming out of the shock of it all and realizing THIS IS HAPPENING; YOU ARE DOING THIS!!!!" -Entry #73, July.12.2012 "My Mom and I went shopping and out to eat. It was the first time since I’ve been dieting that I have actually gone into a restaurant and sat down. It was amazing on how much room I have now sitting in a booth. I didn’t notice it until my Mom was like “My gosh Marilyn you have so much room!!!” -Entry #74, July.13.2012 "It’s an awesome feeling to feel like I have taken off the past 5 years in just 2 ½ months! I feel like I have been walking around my whole life; living a lie. I never thought the way I looked expressed who I was. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t see me. I saw someone very unfamiliar. Everything about this process feels right. This is my mission right now in life and nothing will stop me. I have wanted this for far too long and this fire that is inside me is FLAMING!" "I stopped weighing myself everyday and am going to go back to just weighing in on Fridays. I have been squirming these past couple of days not knowing but I feel it is for the best! I realized I rather have just 1 down day if I were to not have lost anything than to have a roller coaster of a week by checking every day. I no longer will have expectations; just high hopes! I can’t wait until I can officially say I have lost 50 pounds!!" -Entry #84, July.23.2012 "I will probably end up ordering pizzas with Michael for my big end of the month cheat day. Nothing else seems worthy enough. I could go to McDonalds and get burgers and fries or those new spicy chicken McBites I have been drooling over or I could go to KFC and get their new chicken bites they have but I don’t think fast food is worth filling my end of the month cheat day. I want to have something good, decadent, rich and homemade. Also; I don’t want to have to make it. I have been craving steak so maybe I’ll get a big steak dinner. Maybe I’ll ask my Mom to make a big nice home-style dinner with a roast or something. OK enough dreaming about my cheat meal. After all this is a WEIGHT LOSS BLOG, HA! Cucumbers, carrots, broccoli, water, lettuce! There… I made up for all the greasy talk." -Entry #84, July.23.2012 "Part of me feels the same and part of me doesn’t. It’s hard for me to tell because I am me. Sometimes I wish I could meet myself just so I could see what I really looked like to other people." "I have to say THANK YOU all so, so, so, so much for the loving support! I am flabbergasted at the amount of people who care and are excited for me." -Entry #86, July.26.2012 "I don’t blame my Mom what so ever. I know she feels partly responsible for me being in this situation. No one knew that I was headed into the obese direction when I was little. I just loved my chips and dip. This may sound completely crazy but I can honestly say I do not regret one single potato chip I have ever eaten. They have gotten me through some tough times." "I suck at exercising but I do it anyway. You’re looking at a girl who sprained her ankle in middle school just by casually walking down a hallway and falling face first for no reason. I swear gravity hates me!! BUT I have to give myself kudos because I have only fallen once through this process and have yet to get a Charlie horse or pull a muscle!" -Entry #90, July.29.2012 "I feel pretty safe now that I can say that I am pretty close if not there yet to the middle of my journey! As of Friday I was 2 pounds away from the 50 pound mark. I can’t believe I’m half way to losing 100 pounds. I never thought I’d see the day. I am going to go places; I can just feel it." -Entry #90, July.29.2012 I woke up and had my lemon water and then made myself a breakfast sandwich. I made a BLT for lunch with turkey bacon, tomato & lettuce on toasted wheat bread. I have already got in my 5 cups of green tea and am almost done with my water jug. I made a ham sandwich for dinner with lettuce, an American cheese slice single and mustard. I also just got done with my work out not too long ago! I have been on a roll and have been feeling refreshed. On the other hand I have been getting used to my new body. It's almost like losing a limb and having to adjust to living without it. Well it's not QUITE like that lol but you get what I'm trying to say. Everything is different. I don't know what to do with my arms because they seem so much longer, ha! I feel taller and my posture has improved dramatically! It just keeps getting better and I can't wait to finally be able to say I lost 100 pounds! This last 7 pounds I have to lose better watch out because it's not going to see me coming!!!! ;-) Oh my gosh!! I cannot believe that I FORGOT TO WEIGH IN yesterday!! Where was I, jeeze! Man, this week went by fast. It didn't dawn on me that it was Friday. Well it did but for some reason I didn't put 2 and 2 together, lol. I was so excited to weigh in this week - ha! Any who I weighed in this morning and I have lost 5 pounds this week! I lost the 3 pounds that I had gained back from the last weigh in I did and then 2 more pounds on top of that. I now only have 7 more pounds to go until I will be 100 pounds down! If I keep up this kicking butt attitude I will be there in a couple weeks or less, hopefully. Keep your fingers crossed! :-) I have been feeling on top of the world and am so excited to keep progressing forward. I feel smaller, I feel healthier and I could not be happier with where I am at in life right now. I woke up and had my lemon water and then made myself a cup of green tea and a breakfast sandwich. Lately I have been making my breakfast sandwiches with a toasted wheat English muffin, 1 pan fried egg and I slightly break the yolk, 1 sharp cheddar cheese single and 2 slices of turkey bacon. They are SOOOO good and the WHOLE sandwich is only 291 calories. I then made some coffee which I am drinking right now. I am not sure if I will have lunch today and I don't know what I will have for dinner. We are going to go grocery shopping later and I will also be doing a recumbent bike/elliptical workout this evening. I would go for a walk but we got crap snow last night and it's still snowing. I know weather shouldn't hold me back but I'm sorry, you will not see me bundled up walking in a snow storm. I am not one to get involved/active in frigid weather voluntarily. I LOVE living here and I am all for the snow when winter first hits but this year it has been dragging on. I did a sad workout last night. I didn't do a full 30 minutes and skipped out on putting 100% into it. I was so tired/sore that I gave up easy. I feel I needed the rest and today I am back in action! Last night for dinner I ended up just popping myself a bag of popcorn (160 calories) and I had a few wheat saltine crackers. I woke up this morning and had my lemon water and made myself a breakfast sandwich. I am on my second cup of green tea and still have yet to start on my water jug. I will probably skip lunch and I am not sure what I will make myself for dinner. We are going to go grocery shopping either today or tomorrow. I have plans to get into the greens again. I want to start eating more salads and I have been having the taste for chicken! Next Thursday my friend is coming over and I am going to make up chicken enchiladas for lunch. I have never made them before but am excited to see how they will come out! We are supposed to get MORE snow over the next couple of days so I don't know when I will be going for a walk next. Mother Nature needs to make up her mind already! She's late for her very important date! Favorite quotes from June 2012: "I feel much better than yesterday. I needed to take some of my own advice: ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING!" "I never thought I could get rid of this weight and I am on my way! I can’t wait to be someone I have never been before. Finally my body can let me live up to the things I never thought I could do." "I am losing all this weight the old fashioned way with diet and exercise! In the end my fear is for a rumor to start after I worked my butt off that I had a weight loss surgery. So if you hear anything like that it is 100% NOT true!" -Entry #49, June.18.2012 "If you can't dream where you want to be; you will never get there." "Sometimes it almost feels like I have a split personality with dieting; one side of me is saying to eat junk! - eat junk! - eat junk! And the other side is telling me that I know better. Luckily the side that is telling me I know better is screaming it lol." I had my lemon water first thing and then made myself a breakfast sandwich. I had a boiled cod fillet with a baked sweet potato for lunch and am not sure what I will have for dinner. I have already gotten my 5 cups of green tea in and I still have a ways to go on my water jug. I also still have yet to work out today but I will. Last night I was so sore going to bed! I have been really kicking butt lately and have been pushing myself pretty hard. I slept so well though lol. I can't wait to weigh in on Friday! |
My name is Marilyn and I am 27 years old. I have been overweight for most of my life and on May 1st, 2012 I weighed in at 338 pounds. This blog is about my weight-loss journey.
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